zippers are such a cool invention
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
