I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
