At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
