Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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