Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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