If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
