Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
