We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
