and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
