I think i peed on brittanys purse
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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