ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
