I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
