i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
