College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
