just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
