Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
