Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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