Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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