final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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