I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
