you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
