Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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