I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
