i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
