Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
