My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
