he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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