He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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