So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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