you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
