$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
