Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
