why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
