So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
