it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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