he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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