no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
