the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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