there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
