Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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