Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
