I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
