I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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