Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
