If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
