I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
