Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
