i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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