I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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