Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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