I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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