im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
